Today is a very significant day for me. Five years ago my whole world changed. 2010 was a very significant year for me. I woke up five years ago today, the day after my 3 year wedding anniversary, four months pregnant with my first child and sometime during the night my daddy had passed away from terminal colon cancer. My parent's got divorced when I was very young. In fact, I have only one or two snippets of memories of them together. Which I actually think is better. Never really remembering them together made divorce normal for me. I was my daddy's little girl. There is just a different relationship between a daughter and her daddy, it's special and indescribable to those who aren't in the know.
I don't know how you describe to someone what it's like losing a parent. Every day is hard, but especially holidays. Father's Day, Christmas, his birthday, my birthday, and the list goes on. If you haven't lost a parent, then you can't fully understand. I cried most of the way up to our family reunion that year because my husband and I would always take my dad. My husband finally decided it would be too much for me to go.
Being pregnant with my daughter helped. I have no idea how I would have been able to cope with everything that happened if it wasn't for my daughter. She became my whole world. It was easier to deal with everything knowing I was growing this amazing life. Although being pregnant with her was the one thing that pulled me through, I should have talked to my doctor's about my emotional rollercoaster. At that time, I never really dealt with the emotions of losing my father and suffered from serious PPD or postpartum depression because of it. At first I thought I just had a severe case of the baby blues, but the symptoms weren't going away. The only thing that was pulling me through every day was my daughter. Over a year and a half after I had her, I was in a terrible car accident and that made me start working on myself. I started eating better, exercising, and losing weight with the help from my doctor. And eventually, my depression started slipping away. But it doesn't happen that easy for everyone. I was lucky and I know that.
|Image Found at Postpartum.net|
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