Nanny to Mommy: 5 Years Ago... #BehindTheBlogger



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Thursday, July 16, 2015

5 Years Ago... #BehindTheBlogger

I am just going to let you all know that this post is going to be a very personal post. I started my blog as a kind of online baby book of sorts. A place I could write out my thoughts about becoming a first time mom. My first pregnancy was beyond my hardest pregnancy in so many ways, so I had a lot to write about. I like to go back and read some older posts, I wish more than anything I wrote every little detail down because I left so much out in order to not upset anyone. But it was real and what I was going through. Writing has always been very therapeutic for me. So I am detouring away from reviews and giveaways today, to share a very personal story. I hope hat maybe some of you can relate in some way to what I went through and that maybe you too can find some kind of peace.
 

Today is a very significant day for me. Five years ago my whole world changed. 2010 was a very significant year for me. I woke up five years ago today, the day after my 3 year wedding anniversary, four months pregnant with my first child and sometime during the night my daddy had passed away from terminal colon cancer. My parent's got divorced when I was very young. In fact, I have only one or two snippets of memories of them together. Which I actually think is better. Never really remembering them together made divorce normal for me. I was my daddy's little girl. There is just a different relationship between a daughter and her daddy, it's special and indescribable to those who aren't in the know.
 

I don't know how you describe to someone what it's like losing a parent. Every day is hard, but especially holidays. Father's Day, Christmas, his birthday, my birthday, and the list goes on. If you haven't lost a parent, then you can't fully understand. I cried most of the way up to our family reunion that year because my husband and I would always take my dad. My husband finally decided it would be too much for me to go.

Being pregnant with my daughter helped. I have no idea how I would have been able to cope with everything that happened if it wasn't for my daughter. She became my whole world. It was easier to deal with everything knowing I was growing this amazing life. Although being pregnant with her was the one thing that pulled me through, I should have talked to my doctor's about my emotional rollercoaster. At that time, I never really dealt with the emotions of losing my father and suffered from serious PPD or postpartum depression because of it. At first I thought I just had a severe case of the baby blues, but the symptoms weren't going away. The only thing that was pulling me through every day was my daughter. Over a year and a half after I had her, I was in a terrible car accident and that made me start working on myself. I started eating better, exercising, and losing weight with the help from my doctor. And eventually, my depression started slipping away. But it doesn't happen that easy for everyone. I was lucky and I know that.
 
Image Found at Postpartum.net
 
My daddy went to heaven five years ago today. He was in horrible pain. I'm angry at how his care was handled, I'm angry about the fight afterwards, but I'm glad he is finally at peace. If you are reading this thinking what's the point? My point is that losing a loved one is hard and if you need help to cope, then it is okay to talk to someone.
 
The picture of my whole world has changed. I still think about my daddy almost daily. It has become easier. When I look at my husband and my children, I know my daddy is looking down and smiling.
 


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Thank you for reading a story from #BehindTheBlogger Hop. Every 2 weeks a group of bloggers is given a writing prompt. These prompts are very open ended, so our bloggers can write about whatever they desire. The main rule is that their blog post directly relates to the topic of that week. The point of this hop is for our readers to get to know us on a personal level.

Please hop along and read all of the blog posts in this weeks hop. Just click the links below. If you want real and raw emotion, then you will find it here. After you read each post, please comment and share. We want to get to know you too!

5 comments:

  1. I am so sorry. I couldn't imagine losing a parent during a very vulnerable and personal time in my life. You are a very strong woman. The love you seem to have for your Dad is pretty amazing. <3

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  2. I love the thought behind the bloghop...bringing the person into the blog. It is difficult losing anyone you love dearly. Thank you for being human.

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  3. I empathize with your lost. I haven't lost a parent yet, but I lost an older cousin, whom I looked up to as an older brother and it's still hard after 3 years. Not a day goes by where I don't miss him or think about him. But I'm happy you were able to pull through your depression! :)

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  4. You are a beautiful, beautiful person. I am so sorry for your loss, and I pray it gets better for you. You have done so much for yourself, your family is beautiful. Prayers your way!

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  5. I am so happy to hear that your depression is better. I pray for peace and healing for you in your journeys.

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♥,
Diana