I don’t talk about my teenage years much.
Not because nothing happened, but because a lot did.
I successfully earned myself a pretty rough reputation as a teen, and it followed me straight through high school and into my early twenties. And while I’ve healed, grown, forgiven myself, and built a life I’m proud of, I would be lying if I said those years didn’t make things harder than they ever needed to be.
Now I’m a mom.
And I look at my daughter, standing on the edge of the tween and teen years, and I feel this deep urgency to tell her the things I wish someone had told me clearly, honestly, and without sugarcoating.
So this is my letter to her.
And maybe, if you’re raising a tween or teen, it’s a letter to your child too.
Your Worth Is Not Connected to Your Body
You are not your body.
You have a body.
And while it’s okay to take care of it, style it, dress it, and want to look nice, what you do with your body, how you present it, and who you share it with will impact how you feel about yourself, whether we like that truth or not.
The world will try to convince you that attention equals value.
It doesn’t.
If you don’t feel good on the inside, no amount of outside validation will fix that. And some choices don’t just disappear. They live in your mind, your reputation, and sometimes your regrets.
You deserve to feel proud when you look back on your younger years, not confused, ashamed, or hurt.
Parents Talk. And Yes...They Judge.
Poor choices don’t happen in a vacuum. Kids go home and talk. Parents compare notes. Teachers notice patterns.
And most of the time, the very things kids do to feel accepted end up having the opposite effect.
When adults start seeing consistent behavior, disrespect, sexualized behavior, cruelty, dishonesty, they don’t just judge the action. They start forming opinions about the person.
And those opinions affect who gets invited over, who gets trusted, and who gets avoided.
It’s not fair.
But it is real.
Your character is being quietly assessed every day.
Popularity Is a Scam
Being "popular" is not the same as being respected.
Having a seat at the table is not the same as being valued.
The "popular" kids are not exempt from heartbreak, mental health struggles, family problems, insecurity, or failure. They’re just louder about their wins.
Before you decide that life would be better if a certain group liked you, ask yourself:
Do I even like how these people behave?
Do I feel safe here?
Do I feel respected?
Do I like who I am when I’m with them?
Because being well-known means nothing if you have to abandon yourself to belong.
Who You Surround Yourself with Will Shape Your Life
Your reputation will be influenced by the people you choose to be around, because eventually, their choices become connected to your name.
Teachers notice.
Parents notice.
Other kids notice.
One bad apple really can spoil the bunch.
The people closest to you will shape your language, your boundaries, your confidence, your habits, and your risk tolerance.
Choose friends who make you feel braver, not smaller.
Calmer, not anxious.
Stronger, not pressured.
A Friend Isn’t a Friend If They Hurt You
But if someone repeatedly demeans you, embarrasses you, laughs at you, spreads rumors, pressures you, or enjoys hurting you, they are not your friend.
It is better to have one safe friend than ten who slowly tear your confidence apart.
You should not have to earn kindness.
You Don’t Have to Perform to Be Liked
That is a transaction.
Chasing validation is a losing game, because the goalpost never stops moving. At some point, it will never feel like enough.
Either people like you or they don’t.
Both are survivable.
What’s not survivable is losing yourself trying to control other people’s opinions.
Social Media Is Another Scam (And a Dangerous One)
Filters are training young girls to hate their own faces.
Algorithms reward insecurity.
Comparison steals joy.
And cruelty travels faster than compassion.
Tweens and teens are not equipped to handle the psychological weight of social media, especially when most adults aren’t either.
Group chats explode.
Screenshots circulate.
Friends turn on each other for acceptance.
And yes, parents usually end up seeing what you thought was private.
If you wouldn’t want a teacher, principal, or entire school seeing it, don’t send it.
And never, ever share an image of yourself you wouldn’t want attached to your name forever.
Because sometimes it is.
Bullies Aren’t Strong. They’re Wounded.
But compassion does not mean access.
You are not called to heal people who hurt you.
Never be afraid to call out bad behavior. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is expose it so it can be corrected.
You cannot change a bully.
But you can protect yourself.
And you should.
Being Liked by Boys Is Not the Flex You Think It Is
But reshaping yourself to hold someone’s attention will cost you more than it ever gives back.
Doing things just to be chosen opens the door to shame, and shame is heavy. It makes you backpedal. It makes you hide. It makes you easier to manipulate.
The right attention will never require you to abandon your values.
And If You Mess Up...Tell Me
If you make a choice, you’re not proud of, come to me.
Not when it gets worse.
Not when it explodes.
Not when you’re drowning.
Come at the beginning.
I will not shame you.
I will not reject you.
I will not stop loving you.
I am here to help you through the fallout, not to add to it.
You are not meant to navigate the hardest years of your life alone.
I am your mother.
And I am on your side.
Always.
Final Thought for Parents
They need truth, safety, and a place to land.
Not a perfect parent.
A present one.
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Thanks!
♥,
Diana