Signs You Are In An Unhealthy Marriage

This post is written from the heart. These also could be signs you are with a toxic person in general. It all depends on how long you have been together and if they have changed over time. This post may be all over the place, but if you have any comments, questions, or suggestions, please leave me a comment below. I know I usually talk about the happy stuff and mostly my kids, but I wanted this to be addressed. Feel free to skip.

Signs of an Unhealthy Marriage
Image found HERE

I'm not saying with counseling that things can't get fixed. I actually think you should try to fix something that is broken before just throwing it away. I understand that everyone has their breaking point. This list doesn't include cheating or physical abuse because those are not negotiable for me. Personally infidelity is my absolute breaking point. Emotional or physical. There are real life stories from people on this list, but I was given permission to share and the names have been changed to protect their identity.

Here are signs of an unhealthy marriage:

- Belittles you to others in front of you: This can be little things, but certainly thing you are insecure about. And I like to give the benefit of a doubt sometimes that they are just making conversation, but sometimes thinks don't need to be said to certain people.

Example: My friend was at her family's house and they were talking about who does the laundry. I have a friend whose husband never helps with any of the laundry. Her sister was talking about that she no longer puts her husband laundry away. And my friend spoke up and said, "Oh I still do." Her husband scoffed and said, "No you don't put anyone's away and just leave it on the dresser."

This may seem insignificant in this moment. But after time it will wear you out and can make you depressed because he doesn't help, but want to make fun.

- Makes jokes behind your back about you. This is just rude. And shouldn't be done. Period. I don't care if the person thinks it's funny. That's your spouse.
“Aw what would do without me” “Hire a maid and a nanny and call it a day”
“Last mistake I made was saying yes to getting married”

- It feels like you never talk. If it feels like it, then you don't. This is a HUGE red flag. Because it starts as you not talking, then talking to other people, and then only talking to other people...

- not supportive. When some people are unhappy with their own lives, then they can't be happy for other people. This negatively effects a partner. And when you share your accomplishments with them and they find ways to make it insignificant, then it can really eat at your soul.

Susan's story: She told her husband; “I didn’t tell because I was worried I wouldn’t be able to do it, but I beat a dietbet.” Her husband, “What’s that?” “It’s an app that lets you bet against yourself to lose weight and you only have to lose 4%. Other people are in it. Everyone bets $30 and if you beat your goal then you split the pot! And I won $50!” “Well you could cheat at those games.”

When they don't support you, it can make you feel like not trying and then of course makes them note that you "never try at anything". So it is a cycle. Because you need that one person who is suppose to be there through thick and thin to "have your back".

- Seems to only focus on your flaws. When you are fighting they only talk about the stuff you aren't doing, things that you need to fix, etc. And when do point out the things that you are doing, they say things like “it’s about time”. Everyone has flaws however minor or not. And when you are first in love, maybe you don't seem them in another person, but if your spouse can't see the good you bring to the world then they are the problem, not you.

- Sex Feels like a Chore or you aren't having it at all. HUGE red flag. You shouldn't feel forced to do the deed even with your spouse. If something is wrong in the bedroom, then it is time to talk to someone.

- They Constantly Gaslight You. What does gaslighting mean? It means to manipulate someone by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. And it can be little things at first, but the big red flag is when you ask if something is wrong and you know it is. Finally the other person got to their breaking point.

I didn't know if I should put this one in here or not. Because honestly, I think this is a learned personality trait and makes the person who they are. Sometimes I like to hope that they are doing it on purpose. But over time when things stack up whether that person consciously knows they are doing it or not, it can weight on your mind.

Online, marriage can look like the perfect cookie cutter love story. I know I'm guilty of only sharing the good times and never the bad. In my pursuit to be more real with my followers, I want to start sharing it all again and no longer fear what others might think.

Marriage goes through ups and downs. But sometimes you have to know when to get help or throw in the towel. It is up to both you and your spouse if you want to try and fix it. I grew up a child of divorce. I was never sad that my parents weren't together. I truly believe that some people either were never meant to be together and they couldn't see that from the beginning or they grew apart. Money (or lack thereof), children, jobs (or losses of them), and other life events can make you change as a person. You either need to grew together or have separate lives where you can be the best you.


3 comments

  1. Ashley Chassereau Parks3/31/2019 10:10:00 PM

    This makes me so sad to think about what some people endure. I am so grateful for my hubby. We get on each others' nerves sometimes, but I wouldn't trade him for anything.

    ReplyDelete
  2. These things seem small at first, but they really start to add up. It's sad and a little scary!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've definitely seen friends and family in unhealthy relationships. It's scary how long women, especially, will try to make it work even when their very lives seem to be in danger.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for dropping by! I would love to hear what you thought. :)

Thanks!
♥,
Diana