Nanny to Mommy: I'm going to [insert verb here] my husband.

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Friday, March 22, 2013

I'm going to [insert verb here] my husband.

Mother Screwing it Up

It's not okay for me to do laundry while he watches our two year old (all he has to do is play with her) because he worked a 10 hour day.

I'm standing here ironing his work shirts. But I have worry about our two year old knocking into the ironing board and burning herself because the hot iron fell on her.

I can't have a minute to myself because that would be too much.

I know I'm not alone here. I'm sick and tired of what I do for a living not being appreciated because it doesn't come with a steady pay check. Everything I do is for my family. Even blogging. Which use to be for me. And although I enjoy it, I also (now) blog to get free products and go to events for sponsors so my family can enjoy some of the nicer things. When did that happen?

Mother woks too hard

I enjoy couponing, but it's a lot of work and planning. And it's time consuming. But I coupon to stretch the income so we can make sure we can afford our grocery bill.

I stay home with my daughter, yes, but I also watch my friend's little girl. And although I'm in my own house and with my daughter too, my time is still split and it's as if I'm taking care of twins all day (how you mamas with actual twins do it, I have no idea).

I just want to scream and pull my hair out some days. Please tell me I am not the only one!

My husband works so hard for us. I know he does. But I guess it boils down to, the "grass is always greener on the other side" syndrome. Most working mommies would love to be in my position. To stay at home with their child all day. But I wish I could get out of the house for a job. Even a car ride to the store by myself would be nice. My birthday is in 5 days. And instead of turning 27 and my hair maybe getting some grey hairs (although I haven't found one yet...thank GOD). I think it's going to get ripped out.

Please tell me I am not the only one who feels like this.

Yes, I love my husband and no it isn't his fault. Yes, I know I'm blessed. And yes I feel guilty for feeling this way. Maybe the hardest thing to grasp is that I use to do this for a pay check with nights and weekends off.

Would I trade my life for anything? No. But like Hubby needs a break, Mommy needs a time out.

Keep Calm and Mother On

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  1. You are not alone at all Diana and trust me I have my moments where I feel like this. I also feel guilty, because many would be happy to be able to stay at home with their kids, but as much it is wonderful to be home with them, it is still crazy on even a good day. So, just know you aren't alone and that yes I do have many moments that I feel your pain completely!!

  2. When I was home on maternity leave, there were definitely days I felt like launching the baby at S as soon as he walked in the door from work. Now that we are both working (opposite schedules to minimize the need for child care) I see both sides. After being at work all day, all you want to do is come home and relax. After being home with a child all day, all you want is a break...just 10 minutes to yourself. It's just a matter of balancing both and it's not easy!

  3. Oh Diana! I hear and feel your pain. I was blessed to have become a mom at an old age. I'm a stay at home older mom which is looking forward to get out in the workforce and feel alive and perhaps appreciated again, but then who's going to hire a 44yo with no experience in other than cooking, ironing, mopping and a masters in folding clothes. I also appreciate what my hubs does for us, but I wonder and asked him once...if I ever start working again for 8 hours, does it means that when I get home I just sit there and watch my shows because I just worked 8 hours? I guess no dinner, no clean clothes and no clean house would be ok then, LOL...I don't know what to say, other than I'm happy to know that I'm not the only one going through this, regardless of the age factor!...All I can do right now is to send you a big Hug and blessings from the bottom of my heart! Lizy

  4. It's so hard to adjust your thinking, but if hubby's not going to pitch in (and I say this from my own experience, not yours) you have to or you'll go crazy. Mine extends to outside of the house too. I'm to do everything inside, always (even if I'm sick) and outside (shoveling, mowing, weeding, etc.). We have a big yard. I went through a huge 'why should I have to do man work when there's a man in the house??' but I know hubby's not doing it. To keep from going crazy I HAD to readjust my thinking (and I'm a prayer too, so I prayed a lot for help with my gratitude) or I would have been a resentful mess. Now I'm happy (most days) to know my husband is working and paying the bills, and so I joyfully (again, most days, lol) do the rest. Time is short though, I won't lie. It's a lot. And I could use a break sometimes, that's for sure. Sending you good thoughts and hoping you find your 'me' time soon.

  5. You are most definitely not the only one. I want to kill my husband most days! He just doesn't get it. I'm not a SAHM yet, but I will be. As of now, though, I have to do all the work of a SAHM and work a full time job and I'm pregnant! It's not easy at all and he feels that since he works a 10 hour day instead of an 8 hour day, he is relieved of all responsibilities at home. Especially not while I'm working too! Only us Mom know how tough it is to be a Mom! They think the cooking and cleaning and laundry and raising a child is a snap! There should be a Mom camp where all Moms can go for a week out of the year to just get away. Leave the husbands to do our work and see how they do!

  6. Oh girl your not alone at all! I work from home while my husb works out of the house. And some days I just want to scream for a little help.

    Taking care of kids is hard work and even though we love them and our husb just a ride in the car with no noise not even the radio on is priceless.

    Some days it just helps to vent, at least that is what I keep telling myself ... lol

  7. definitely not alone. i try to explain to my husband that I don't have breaks or co-workers to help me out!

  8. This is so funny because I was just having this conversation with my mom yesterday. My husband has been working 12 hour shifts with maybe one day a week off for the past 2.5 months. I work too and have been like a single mom for the past 2.5 months making up for the fact that he isn't around as much.

    His 12 hour shift job just ended and what does he do. He decides to go fishing for the day. He asks my mom to watch our youngest so he can go fishing....all day! When do I get my whole entire day to do whatever I want to do. I've been working 24 hour shifts for the past 7 years, with a job and kids.

    Poor husbands, they just don't get it. Then you can't say anything to them because they really are good hard working guys and you will just seem naggy if you say something. He did deserve a break, but come on, all day fishing???

    They just don't understand that being at home with the kids is not relaxation time. Glad to know I'm not the only one out there too!!

  9. I fully understand everything your saying and then some. I wrote a very similar post to yours not to long ago. :)

    It is now even worse since my husband works out of the home and now has our only vehicle with him at work with him too. ;(

    I wish I could learn the art of using coupons for our household. However, my husband is very brand loyal and that makes it hard with couponing (from what I've gathered so far.)

    :) Sometimes you have to just leave your family and have "ME" time too.

  10. I feel your pain, Diana! I feel it all the time, because even when my husband doesn't say "but I've been at work all day", I HEAR it in my head. I guilt trip myself... "don't want to ask him to do this or that, because he's been working all day". I have to consciously remind myself that I have been working all day too, and what I am doing is just as important as what he is doing, so it's okay to ask (demand) for help from him.

  11. You are definitely not alone here. It's something that has to be balanced. Yes he works 10 hour a day out of the home, but within that he probably enjoyed moments to himself, maybe even a lunch break. Whereas you likely had followers even to the toilet!


  12. Being a working stay at home Mom I feel your pain.

    Approaching your Hubby like I did with mine might help. He gets defensive easily so I first started out telling him I know he works hard and looks forward to coming home and relaxing. I told him that I also look forward to him coming home so I could have a extra pair of hands/set of eyes. I don't expect it to be 50/50, but I do expect a partner to help. I def don't get up as early as he does, and I get the chance of a nap- but it doesn't mean it is easy all day. I asked him to remember how he had a hard and frustrating time the 3 hours he had to watch our son and how much he complained after that- I told him "Hunny, that is every day ALL day for me, 7 days a week. I need a mental break- time for me without someone popping their head in needing something or asking for something." We came to a compromise of each picking a day on the weekend to sleep in while the other does the mornings chores, and he sets time aside to play video games on Xbox with his brother in FL, while I have a few hours another time to do what ever. Things come up so it might not always happen, but the more we had our compromises and he stepped in, the more he realized how draining it can be to juggle the house. I also told him- even if you don't do as much as I do around the house, pointing out what I DO do and letting me know you recognize it isn't easy goes a LONG way. I try to do the same for him when he comes home from long days. Each of us feels tired and wants down time, as I'm sure your side is the same!

    I hope things get easier and he gets more understanding :)

  13. My friend told me a joke that a husband came home and looked around the house and asked what his wife had done all day. She didn't answer. The next day he came home and it looked like a tornado had gone through the house. He asked his wife what happened. She said that thing that he thought she didn't do yesterday, she didn't do it today :) Every day is trying to balance entertaining the kids while cleaning, doing dishes, cooking, and laundry. It is only a limit of how many hours are in the day what gets done. It is hard when your significant other doesn't pitch in and help for whatever reason. The one thing to remember is that the only person's behavior that you can control is your own (no matter how frustrating). Good luck!!

  14. I think this still happens in many situations, whether mom works or not, the husband doesn't realize he isn't contributing as much as he may think he is,no easy answer!


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