Nanny to Mommy: It Was The Worst of Times #BehindTheBlogger



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Thursday, September 24, 2015

It Was The Worst of Times #BehindTheBlogger

We are on vacation this week! Woo Hoo! But I want to share something with all of you for this week's #BehindTheBlogger prompt that was a hard time in my life.

I have told you all about how 2010 was the worst year of my life and how the events of that year lead to me suffering from post-partum depression. My daughter was born in December of 2010. I had been on bed rest for a month before she was born. Going from two incomes to one was very hard on our family, especially my husband. When my daughter was born, he would still party every weekend like we did before and every day when he would get home from work he would take a nap until my daughter went to bed, then play video games until midnight.

 
During that time, it was hard for me to understand why he wasn't willing to be more involved, but doing research I realized it was because he was depressed too. And why?
Because of money. Money was tight. Going from being able to go out and have this extra money to living paycheck to paycheck made him have resentment for me. But then he would feel guilty about that resentment because I was doing everything I could to bring in any extra income.


We looked happy, but pictures can be deceptive.
 
The issue was, we never talked about these feelings. Then in 2012, I got into a terrible car accident and totaled my car. I then went 6 months without a vehicle. So it made it harder on my husband because he had to take on more errands and finding the money to buy me a car was like pulling teeth. We would fight...a lot. The way he started talking to me was really degrading and for a while I took it because I felt like I deserved it. Then something happened and I just switched. I was done. He didn't want to talk to me about what was going on in our marriage and I told him that if he didn't something was going to change. At that time, I had no idea what I was going to do to make him change.

We ended up getting into a terrible argument over something ridiculous. It was the worst argument we have ever been in even until this day. I called my friend and said I was done. I asked if she would come pick me up and let me hang out with her for the day. She offered to my daughter and I stay the night with her if need be. My husband didn't work that day, so he texted me all day asking when I was coming home. But I didn't know. I didn't want to leave him because I loved him, but something had to change. I needed to make a point that if he wasn't going to talk to me and start treating me with respect, then I was going to leave.


Taken on the day I didn't know what to do.
 
I did come home that night. We finally had the conversation that he had been putting off. I told him at the beginning that I might get mad or cry, but I want him to speak to me without regard. I will have a turn and then he will have a turn. And so we did. I found out that he was scared and stressed about our financial situation. I found out that he had been depressed because he felt like I didn't make time for him any more, which he found out that I felt this way too. That conversation opened the doors to many others and eventually we learned to be friends again. We talk about everything now. I made sure not to make my second pregnancy all about me and include him as much as possible. I'm so thankful we worked through this hard time before we decided to expand our family.
 
"The key is learning to grow together instead of apart." #BehindTheBlogger http://t.co/mU0iA3bbP9
— Diana C (@mrsdchastain) September 29, 2015

 
When you hear that the key to a successful marriage is communication, it sounds cheesy. But I think the issue is that couples don't know how to talk to each other. Things change in a marriage. I met my husband when I was 18. I'm not going to be the same person at 29 that I was then. They key is learning to grow together instead of apart. And communication really is key. If there is something that you feel like you can't tell your spouse, then maybe you shouldn't be doing it.

Have you ever had a hard time in your marriage?
 
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4 comments:

  1. Thank you - your story comes at a good time. My husband and I are going through some similar issues, although not exactly the same, I will take your words to heart.

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  2. Thank you for sharing, me and my husband of 20 years have also gone through some rough times and you're right, I love this phrase "The key is learning to grow together instead of apart." We grew apart, it was all routine with the kids and not with us talking about us, now we are communicating better than we have all through out the years and we are there for each other and getting to know each other and be best friends. I am very happy that you two are doing good and working things out. Thank you for sharing :)

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  3. Thank you for sharing. Me and my husband have been together for 17 years. I would say that even the communication has to grow and evolve. Being that we as people change, it is as if we are with a different person every few years. When people say they have to communicate better, I don't believe they really understand what that means. Real communication isn't just words. Its shared understanding, compassion, availability, and actions. Sometimes the most meaningful communication me and my husband have, very few words are exchanged.
    Keep working at your marriage as it is always a work in progress.

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  4. Communication is so important. Is it so easy for you to lose the couple when you get busy with children and money is such a stress point.

    Someone needed to stand up and say.. NO MORE.. we need to stop this cycle before it is too late. It sounds like you and he were ready to make the change.

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Thanks!
♥,
Diana